I Am Not A SuperMom!

"I'm not your supermom!” I know you've heard this or said it yourself a time or two. I remember a time during my motherhood journey when I thought I was a Super Mommy. I could do everything I did before I had an infant or two small children under 5. I could do it all. I thought I could still work full-time, attend school full-time, be a leader at church full-time, and still come home to ensure everything at home was together. I wanted to maintain the housekeeping duties, cook dinner, and ensure I had an excellent relationship with my husband--who’s watching me while I'm trying to be this “Super Mommy.” But this idea that I thought I could operate as the super mommy erupted and started overflowing like lava from a volcano. There came a point where enough was enough, and I had to realize what I was doing—causing more harm than good. Now, to my credit, I had become the super juggler of tasks, but life had become overwhelming.

Why did I think I had to be this Super mommy--what was operating within me? Was it something someone told me or something I just created in my mind? Was I determined to prove that I wouldn't be told that my life had to change once I became a mommy? But the truth of the matter is, of course, your life changes when you become a mom. If you’re being honest with yourself, you would acknowledge that your life changes every time you become a mom--the first time is not like the second time and the 2nd isn't like the 4th, and so on. Although life is changing and will continue to change it doesn't mean that you won't be happy with the new changes. Nor does it mean that you cannot live a fulfilled life and do many things you once did before you became a mommy. It just means that you'll have to reorganize your life, reevaluate your priorities, and include a few more people in the planning process.

The balancing act of becoming a mommy and still being an entrepreneur, a CEO, a hard worker at work, and all the other hats you may wear as a mother is a challenge. Frankly, we don’t want to lose our individuality and completely lose ourselves in motherhood. However, the key is to find that middle ground that makes us happy doing those things while at the same time being a good mom. Let’s not forget you have people on the sidelines who are telling you that if you can't do all of these things then you're less than a perfect mom, must be inadequate, or that you don't have what it takes to be a great mom. According to them, a great mom should be able to do all those things and still do everything for your children on top of what you’re doing for yourself. I call foul ball because sometimes it's simply not true. I think about mothers who are entertainers, athletes, movie stars, etc., and the pressure they must feel to maintain their super busy schedules, interviews, appearances, and shows or be deemed a failure or a flake because they’re late or no-shows.

I remember thinking when Beyoncé announced her pregnancy, and she was still performing on stage, and Serena Williams, who was still playing tennis and winning while she was pregnant—wow, they don’t get a break. I also noticed that some celebrity moms take some time off when they start families because I imagine they may deal with some of the same pressures and struggles as other non-celebrity moms experience. Of course, mothers of this economic status can hire nannies, housekeepers, chefs, etc., to help them make life easier while maintaining their lifestyles. However, I imagine they still want to be a mom to their children regardless of their celebrity status.

But it's because of these pressures that moms go all out of their way to become super mommy to the detriment of their health, their relationships with their spouses, and sometimes to the detriment of their relationship with their children. While you may think that you're doing everything for the betterment of their children by engaging in supermom Dom behaviors, it only puts pressure on yourself but also puts an incredible amount of pressure on your children because now they have to get in line with your sense of everything must be “perfect” to meet your super mommy goals.

So you have to ask yourself, how do I balance what I want to do in life, what I need to do, and what I love to do in life? You have to come up with a plan, some middle ground where you have to determine that you’re going to say “no” or that you’ve had enough! Trust me, I understand that life must go on, goals must be achieved, and mouths must be fed. But allow yourself to breathe and count the costs to ensure you and your family are truly happy.

For more insights and tips on balancing motherhood and personal aspirations, check out article